"By George, I Think I've Got It!"

Time is flying by and yet at the same time it seems to take so long to get from point A to point B.  You know what I mean?  Our family is now going through the process of adopting A.  Both of her siblings have already been adopted by individual families.  Only A. is left.  It has been a bit more complicated due to her age, but things are moving forward, slowly.  We hope to have the adoption finalized by summer.

In past posts, I have written a lot about my personal struggles with A.  I have learned a lot from these past 5 years and I think I can finally say"by George, I think I've got it!"  The proverbial light bulb seems to be shining over my head at the moment as I realize that I think I finally understand our foster daughter a little better.

 
A. does not come from a "normal" background as I have, so her reality and the way she thinks and processes everything is very different from the way I do.  In fact, most foster children and foster families will experience this.  I have always known that, but I feel like it is finally sinking in and becoming something that I understand a little better than I did in the beginning.  A. does not always act out just to be difficult.  She just doesn't see things the same way I do.  That is acceptable, though maybe a bit annoying at times.  *: )         She comes from a family that did not have any rules or parameters set in place for her safety, nor any routine by which she could personally feel that each day was manageable.  She just lived day to day and it was up to her to choose what to do each day.


So, I have come to understand that when she came into our home and learned that we had rules and chores and routines, she just could not grasp that this was a normal way to live and she felt that we were taking away her right to choose for herself what she thought was best for her.  So, she fought each and every rule, chore, and routine, with every bit of frustration and anger that she could call up from wherever it was she kept it buried during her happy moments.  She has come a long way.

She now understands rules better, that they are in place to help keep her safe.  She realizes that she is part of our family now and that it takes a whole family to work together to keep a household running smoothly and cleanly.  She still hates the bedtime routine, she feels like she should be able to stay up as late as she wants, but she doesn't fight it too much anymore.

So, all in all, things have become smoother within our family.  I know for certain that there are rough times ahead, and I shudder when I let my mind wander down the path of "the worst scenarios", but we have been through a lot and I expect that we will just continue to handle whatever comes up with love and reassurance, one day at a time.

Keep Looking Up!

Diane