ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!

It seems so long ago that I was blogging about my foster daughter A. and our hopes that her mom would be found unfit and her parental rights terminated thereby leaving A. available for adoption. A. came to live with us approximately 4 years ago and her mom's case is moving agonizingly slowly! It seems that everybody agrees she is an unfit mom, however she is not the horrible monster that beat her children or abused them savagely. She is a mom who made poor choices in boyfriends and friends in general and put her kids at constant risk which resulted in A. being raped by one of her mom's boyfriends. This man was a registered sex offender at the time and mom knew it. Yet she let him babysit her two little girls.

After waiting an unbelievable number of months before telling anyone what had happened to her daughter, the mom finally did tell the local child welfare agency and the kids were placed in foster care. Since that time, the mom has repeatedly shown that she continues to make poor choices in boy friends and friends. She consistenly finds it necessary to move from place to place as she can't seem to hold onto her money long enough to pay her rent or utilities. She Drives when she does not have a driver's license and the list goes on and on and on. Yet, it seems that the court system is having a hard time making the final decision to terminate her rights. The two oldest girls have verbally stated that they do not want to go back home with mom, that they wanted to stay with their individual foster families. The judge even made the statement at the last hearing that he "could not tell you (addressing the people in the court) when exactly to file, but I do not understand what the hold up is"!

What is the hold up? These kids have been on this roller coaster ride for long enough already. It is time to make a decision and move forward with it. The last I heard was that the termination papers were sitting on the paralegal's desk waiting to be filed. That was months ago and still there has been nothing more done. A. has gone though every emotion possible during these past 4 years. She just finally got to the point where she was saying she did not want to go home anymore because she realized that her mom was not going to change and she knew that her mom could not keep her safe. She told the GAL at court that she wanted to stay with us and be adopted by us. However, now it has been a couple of months since the last hearing and her mom has gotten to A.'s head again and now A. is back to where she is defending her mom and claiming that she wants to go home no matter what. This has been such a nightmare.

I am wondering if anybody else who may read this has had a similar experience. I would like to hear from you if your foster child's parent was found unfit and told that termination papers would be filed, but then month after month went by without anything more happening. I would like to know some of the possible reasons that those papers are being held and not filed. There has to be some explanation. No one will tell any of us foster parents who each have one of this woman's children what the hold up is. I say again - there just has to be some reason these papers are not being filed. Please somebody, enlighten me. The next fitness hearing is in October and quite frankly I do not want to go through the emotional ups and downs that always comes when hearing time gets close. A. is getting bitter about the whole thing and some days she takes it out on us and some days she takes it out on her mom. This needs to be DONE!

Thanks for being patient while I vented. I have been told that our case is not the usual way that things go in the foster system. Most of the time parents are found fit or unfit fairly quickly and papers are filed and the adoption comes pretty quickly after that. Lucky us, we seem to have gotten hold of a real doozy of a mom who is keeping this whole case in confusion.

Enough already! Let's give these poor little kids a break! Life is tough enough. Stop dragging this case on and on. Enough already!

Getting My Life Back Under Control (Hopefully!)

This is my first entry for quite some time. It just seems like life took over for awhile. But, I am going to try to take it back into my control again. This is the last week of school for my kids and it has been a hectic end to the school year, as usual. Grades have dropped and attitudes seem sort of "I don't care-ish". I'm not sure what happened, but I do know I have to try to fix that before next year begins!

I'll be posting again later today, but right now I need to wake my kids up for school. That, by the way, is something I'd like some advice on when I post later. I'll explain then.

I'll talk to you later!

Foster Child Gains Much From Previous and Present Foster Home

Happy Birthday Hannah
Posted by : Kelly in Foster Adoption Blog at 08:35 am , 590 words, 40 views Categories: Daily life

Hannah turns 7 today and she’s having a great day. Our family tradition is that you get breakfast in bed on your birthday (somehow I never get it on my birthday) and get to open your gifts while still in bed. What a way for a 7 year old to start the day.Hannah is a far cry from the 4 year old child that I first met. She was an angry little girl who screamed at the top of her lungs for eight hours. She was as oppositional as a child could get. She would not let anyone hug her, she would not cuddle with her mom, she tried to choke her older brother and so on. The little girl I have today is nothing like that. She hugs me every morning when I wake her up, she tells me she loves me several times a day, she asks for cuddle time before she goes to bed and makes me laugh on a regular basis. Her tantrums are age appropriate tantrums.

The thing that I come back to over and over again is that I feel for her previous family. The little girl I have is amazing and brings so much joy to my life. Her previous family deserved this little girl. They worked incredibly hard for her and did everything they possibly could to help her, but she wouldn’t let them. I didn’t do anything amazing to help her, but she let me into her heart. I know that her previous mom is thinking about her today and I know she will be calling Hannah after school to wish her a happy birthday. They still love her and I know this day has got to be hard on them.

They are happy for her that she is doing well and know that she would not have healed in their home, no matter what they did. However, there has still got to be a sense of loss. They DID work hard for her and put all of their hearts into helping her. That impacts your life forever.

Hannah is a better child having lived with them. She did allow herself to learn and gain some things and I don’t take credit for those. This little girl has the most wonderful manners, and I had no part of that whatsoever. She has a beautiful child’s faith in God that was instilled in her before I ever met her. She freely prays for people who are hurt or sick. I love that part of her heart. Hannah would not be the child she is if she had not lived with her previous family. They have helped me to create this amazing little girl.

I cannot fully celebrate with Hannah today. I have a bible study class out of town this weekend. I am surprising Hannah at school to have lunch with her and bringing a treat for her class. Her party is not for a couple of weeks due to scheduling conflicts, but we will enjoy it when it comes. I am happy for my little girl, but at the same time she is growing closer to becoming a young lady and I will lose this part of her. She is my last child (unless God has something up his sleeve) so I know it’s the last time I will go through some of these things. I’m trying to focus on the amazing child she is right now.

To view original article, click on title of post.

A Little Boy Gets A New Chance At Love And Happiness

A Boy Named James

Today my heart was touched by a boy named James. James is 1 1/2 years old and has been placed as a foster child with my mother and father-in-law. So far all of Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop's foster children have had sad stories. They were all very young, mostly babies, and they all eventually went back to their parents. James' mother relinquished all of her rights to her son. He will be in foster care until he is adopted. The sad part of his story is that he was removed from a foster home last night. He arrived at my in-laws house at 12:15 a.m. this morning. His papers indicated that due to unfit circumstances it was necessary to remove him from his foster home. What the hell is that? It breaks my heart to hear that foster parents are neglecting the children. Their only doing it for a check. That's just not right. All children deserve a good caring enviroment. It doesn't take much to love a sweet innocent baby.

The best thing that could have happened to him was coming to our family. After Little D's soccer game we went over to meet him. Little D played a magnificent game, he was on offense the entire game, they won 3-1, by the way. I admit it, I'm a soccer mom. I have so much fun at his games.

James was sitting in his highchair when we came in and he was the saddest looking soul I've ever seen. After I let him get used to me awhile, I scooped him up in my arms and smothered him with kisses. He began to smile and trust me a little. As most little ones are, he is ticklish. So, of course, I had to start tickling him. Well, he belted out a laugh so deep that it instantly spread smiles throughout the room. This is when we bonded.

After I put him down, he outstretched his little arms toward me, so I had to pick him back up. He wrapped his little arms around my neck and snuggled into my shoulder. When Mom-Mom tried to take him, he screamed and wouldn't let me go.

I spent an hour with this little boy and probably showed him more love than he has ever had in his life. I'm so happy he is with the family now. He will begin to learn what it feels like to be held and snuggled, clean and warm, safe and sound.

I am Mom-Mom's babysitter because I live the closest, so James will be spending a lot of time at our house hanging out. I hope when this little guy finally gets adopted, it will be to a loving home with people who waited their whole lives to be his parents. Say a little prayer that James' life starts to turn around now before he gets old enough to start remembering his hard times. In the meantime, he'll be safe, loved, and most of all wanted.

This is a post from the blog site: My Random Thoughts And Hells.
To view the original post, click on title of this post.

Grandparents Who Choose To Give Up Their Retirement Years To Raise Their Grandchildren

Grandparents becoming parents again
BY DONNA VICKROY, Staff Writer

It's been said that a mother's work is never done.
No one knows that better than a grandmother thrust back into the throes of parenting.

Candy Meeker's at an age when her life should be her own. Having raised her three children, the Crete woman should be spending her days as she chooses -- lunching with friends, gardening, welcoming the occasional visits of her five grandchildren.
Instead, she is shuffling 5-year-old Camren Morales from school to doctor appointments, from discount stores to grocery stores. She is tucking him at night, wading through piles of paperwork and worrying about how he'll get along with his new classmates.

A former cook, bartender and house cleaner, Meeker is one of 1 million single grandmothers raising their children's children. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 2.4 million families are maintained by grandparents. That's a 19 percent increase since 1990.
"It's hard," Meeker said. "I'm tired."

But she acknowledges she has little choice.
Two years ago, her son Tom, now 27, asked her take the boy in. Estranged from the child's mother, Tom was dealing with issues of his own.
"He didn't want Camren to end up in foster care," Meeker said. "And neither did I."
So she drove to Kansas City, where the boy was living at the time, and brought him back to the south suburbs. He's been here ever since

Financial challenges

Meeker now has custody and guardianship - and a whole new set of responsibilities.
But the energy required to raise a child when you're past your prime is a small challenge compared with the enormous financial burden of feeding, clothing and tending to the medical needs of a young boy.

Linette Kinchen, founder and executive director of Grandfamilies Program of Chicago, said lack of sufficient government aid is one of the biggest hurdles faced by grandparents who once again are diapering or helping with homework on a full-time basis.

Grandparents who are raising a grandchild are eligible to receive around $100 a month per child through The Department of Human Services Child Only grant, Kinchen said. The amount goes up incrementally with each additional grandchild under a grandparent's care, but caps at just under $400 per family per month, she added.
Compare that to the cap-free $444 per child per month a foster parent receives.
"This issue is just coming to light among policymakers," Kinchen said. "It's going to take grandparents coming together, working collectively, to make a change - like they did to get fair senior housing."

The issue has been taken up by the American Association of Retired People. In addition to lobbying on grandparents' behalf, the AARP has joined forces with five other groups to produce fact sheets specific to each state. The sheets include information on programs and resources specific to grandparents who are raising grandchildren. Visit www.grandfactssheets.org.

Kinchen knows first-hand the struggles such grandparents face. She raised three of her own. When she realized few services were available, she started her own help group in her small living room. That was five years ago.
Today, funded by small grants from organizations such as the Chicago Department of Senior Services and the Illinois Department of Aging, Grandfamilies Program of Chicago helps grandparents wade through the legal process and find emotional support. The group sponsors outings and events. It also helps needy grandparents acquire school uniform vouchers and grocery store gift certificates.

Average income among grandparent-maintained households ranges from $19,750 for those with just a grandma to $61,632 for those with two grandparents.
Meeker falls on the low end of the single-parent scale.

Doing the best she can

Since Camren came to live with her, Meeker's tiny mobile home has been crammed with the trappings of a small boy: action figures, books, stripedshirts and flip flops. She longs for a two-bedroom townhouse but know she can't afford much. She gets by on disability and a $102 monthly stipend for Camren.
"They should help grandparents more, especially single ones," she said. "It takes a lot more than a hundred dollars a month and food stamps to raise a child."

Mary Pat Frye, director of the case coordination unit for the Senior Services Department of Will County, said funding starts slowly. An issue, she said, typically needs to be 20 to 30 years in existence, with data to back it up, before government services catch up.
"There are some financial programs for grandparents raising their grandchildren in Will County, but they are very limited," Frye said.
The Senior Services Department can help grandparents investigate those programs, as well as navigate the legal system, she added. For example, she said, a grandparent must have legal custody or guardianship to be able to enroll a child in school.

Despite its challenges, Meeker said she wouldn't think of relinquishing her grandchild to the foster care system.
"My brother and I were adopted after our mother died," she said. "Even though we had a good life, I would not want to do that to my own grandchild."

So she does what most grandparents who are raising their grandchildren do: she manages day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute.

Camren has anger issues. He's recently been diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. He has a counselor and a psychiatrist.
"It's a lot of work," Meeker said.

Kindness of others

Sometimes, people help her out. Her son will pay for field trips and daycare. Her brother recently bought her a car.
Her son is a salesman for a local alarm company.
"He travels a lot," she said. "He plans to take Camren back in one day, when he's ready, when everything's set up."
Until then, he's Meeker's responsibility.

But any parent knows that raising a child goes well beyond attending to needs alone.
She wants this child to have fun memories, to be included on the playground, to be carefree.
So she does what she can. Meeker and Camren are regulars at local festivals and the Olympia Fields McDonald's, which hosts a free rock 'n' roll night on Wednesdays.

When word came recently that a pair of Nikes might be available for Camren, the news made her day.
A volunteer from Together We Cope, in Tinley Park, called and asked what size shoe Camren wore. She just might have a pair in his size.
"Oh, that's great, just great," she said.

Another friend told her about free karate lessons through the Beecher police department.
"You hate to ask for things, but they're not for me, they're for my grandson," she said.

Although this story is not about fostering, I found it to be very interesting. I just heard a radio program a few days ago about the very of issue of today's aging baby boomers having to take in and raise their grandchildren at a very alarming rate. Some do take in these kids through the foster system, some go on to adopt, some simply take over legal guardianship of their grandkids. It is an admirable effort on the part of grandparents everywhere who undertake this important task of raising a second family. It certainly seems as though the government should be working as hard and quickly as possible to get financial aid to these grandparents. At least with fostering your own relatives, you do receive a little bit more than what the lady in the above story is receiving. I hope everything works out for this lady and other like her, and for the hundereds more grandparents who will shortly find themselves in this same situation. God bless them for loving enough to put their own needs aside in order to help make sure these kids get as normal a life as possible.

To view original article, click on title of post.