The Question With No Answer

I'd like to be able to write that everything at my home has become wonderful ever sense we adopted our foster daughter.  However, I am a realist and I want to keep my posts as honest as I dare.  I love my adopted daughter.  I never question that.  I could never have made any other decision a year ago other than to adopt her.  I can't imagine her being in any other home.  I have seen first hand what some foster homes can be like when the well being of the child is not put first when making the decision whether or not to adopt.  So, I am glad that our adopted daughter is safe.  However, I also have learned that life can become very hard and stressful when any child is taken into a home who is not the family's biological child.  Sometimes it can turn out great.  In our case, and in the case of many foster and adoptive families, the child coming into the family can be so different in character, genetics, and personal background experiences, that there is just not much in common between parents and child.  We can make the decision to love and nurture the child, but extreme differences can cause huge problems in the way of communication, behavior, and even in interaction with the parent's own biological family, and in the marriage of the parents.
These are issues which we are struggling with in our family.
At this point, I have chosen to simply pick myself up after one of our many "head to heads" and do my best to move on.  The probem is, the issues come up daily and I find myself losing my patience more quickly and it does, at times, become more difficult to pick myself up and continue on.  For those of you who are searching sites such as this one to find answers on how to cope with this problem, I am afraid I do not have any.  I am in need of advice myself.  How can I love my adopted daughter and yet feel so resentful towards her for the stress that has come into my home.  And THAT is the question that does not seem to have an answer.
To anybody reading this who does have some advice about this, particularly if you have experienced this yourself, I would love to hear from you.

Adoption Date Set!!

Well, good news!  We have had our foster daughter since 2005 and we were just notified of her final adoption date!  It will be in July, which is later than we were hoping for, but never-the-less it is finally a date!

Things have settled down quite a bit in our family now.  A. feels like one of my own children to me now and so much of the stress of those earlier years have greatly diminished.  It has been a little over one year now since she has seen her biological mom, and she brings that to my attention fairly often.  My heart does go out to her as I can see how much it hurts her to not be able to hug and talk with her mom.

"By George, I Think I've Got It!"

Time is flying by and yet at the same time it seems to take so long to get from point A to point B.  You know what I mean?  Our family is now going through the process of adopting A.  Both of her siblings have already been adopted by individual families.  Only A. is left.  It has been a bit more complicated due to her age, but things are moving forward, slowly.  We hope to have the adoption finalized by summer.

In past posts, I have written a lot about my personal struggles with A.  I have learned a lot from these past 5 years and I think I can finally say"by George, I think I've got it!"  The proverbial light bulb seems to be shining over my head at the moment as I realize that I think I finally understand our foster daughter a little better.

Adoption home study interview

Wednesday, September 8, 2010 - The Red Thread: An Adoptive Family Forum by Andrea Poe

EASTON, Md. — Home study. Those two words can send fear into the hearts of prospective parents like no others.

Basically, a home study involves a protracted process whereby a social worker looks at every facet of your life, evaluating everything from the strength of your marriage to the stability of your job in an effort to determine if you will be a fit parent.

Of course, this makes great sense. In fact, when I tell people about adoption home studies, many of them say they wish all parents, had to go through this process prior to getting pregnant.

However, intellectually appreciating the usefulness does nothing to diminish the terror when you’re faced with the home study yourself. The process all but guarantees sleepless nights. Until it is concluded you will live in fear that somehow the social worker will deem you unfit to parent.

Grandparents are trying to get custody of child found confined in attic

Local & State News

Friday, Aug. 20, 2010

By JOE LAMBE 

The Kansas City Star

 

The 6-year-old boy found starving in a filthy De Soto attic is recovering, and his grandparents are trying to get custody, their attorney said Friday.

The boy was found this week after the maternal grandparents asked the Johnson County Sheriff’s Office to check on his welfare.

They had not seen him in about four months and were concerned, said attorney Sarah Swain.

James And Anne Cardona: Morbidly Obese Children Removed From Filthy Home

Marietta, Georgia

A domestic dispute between two brothers brought police to the home of James and Anne Cardona on Monday, August 16, 2010. Authorities were not prepared for what they found.

The Cardona’s, along with their two young daughters, were living in filth and squalor. The stench reached all the way to the street.

Both girls were morbidly obese and in bad health. James and Anne Cardona were arrested and face ‘felony second-degree child cruelty charges along with misdemeanor charges of contributing to the deprivation of a minor’.

Six children removed from filthy, roach-infested home, Brooksville police say

By Joel Anderson, Times Staff Writer

In Print: Wednesday, June 2, 2010

BROOKSVILLE — All six children had lice in their hair, some with infestations so bad they had rashes along their hairlines. Most of them had gone without a bath for days, if not weeks. Another had roach bites all over her back.

And the family's 6-month-old boy was drinking from a bottle "so dirty that it was black in color," the detective wrote in his report. Inside the bottle, a dead roach was floating around in liquid.

Adoption in 6 - 9 months! (sigh!)

I just learned that the adoption process for A. will take 6 to 9 months!  We were so disappointed.  Now that we know what we all want, we just want to hurry and make A. a legitimate part of our family. 

Nothing much is new other than that.  We are counting down the days till we can walk into the court house and come out with a new family member.  It seems too far away. 

I just wanted to post something so everyone wouldn't think I had abandoned this blog site.  I'm pretty hit and miss with my posts these days but I think once school is back in full swing I will get more time to work on my sites. 

Keep Looking up!
Diane